Bouhammer's Military Blog » Humor

Jon Stewart’s lack of PT helps the troops

Bouhammer — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 16:12:44 +0000

Picked this up on militarytimes.com blog outside the wire. I watched this episode last night as I DVR every Jon Stewart and Colbert show and try to keep up with them.

Even though he is a self-admitted liberal, Jon Stewart is a big troop supporter having went over to the sandbox himself at least once that I know of and has hosted the last two Remind.org For The Troops fundraising comedy events.

This time it is funny to see his inability to stay in shape help the troops.

BTW this does have some foul language and may not be safe for work or around little kids.

The Daily Show
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I love it when they kill each other

Bouhammer — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 14:40:55 +0000

I saw this over at my good friends and fellow milbloggers site, http://thisainthell.us/blog/

It is just too funny not to watch a couple of times. They ask a good question over at TAH, “Why is this war taking so long?”

Why is Santa so cool…

Bouhammer — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 19:35:00 +0000

Because he is a Jumpmaster of course.

Airborne All the Way Santa….

Good Luck Chuck

Bouhammer — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 19:30:05 +0000

So a lot of weird things are happening in the world right now. Osama Bin Laden was killed and quickly dumped into the sea, the Iranians somehow took over our most advanced un-manned spy plane and landed it like they were at a R/C club festival weekend, Kim Jong Il mysteriously croaks of “natural causes”, Putin is no longer the love interest of all of Russia, and now my good friend and ultra smart-ass Chuck from tcoverride.blogspot.com/ is celebrating his birthday in Afghanistan, way to close to the Pakistan border.

Doesn’t he know he is tempting fate like he did in Iraq when he danced a jig on that wire he saw on the bridge and look where that got him. They are coming after you Chuck, the Skull-n-Bones society has a hit on you, the Smoking Man knows all about you and is about to make his first appearance since the X-files were on to come and get you. The dude that always controlled everyone and everything in every season of 24 but we never saw knows where you are.

Dude, you have pissed off too many people in the world, tempted fate too many times, and been insubordinate in the eyes of your superiors more times than they can count. Get out of there and come home before you either become the Thursday night special of Mullah Omar himself or they plant an IED in your favorite port-o-john and finish the job of turning you from a rooster to a hen with a 9-volt battery charge.

And if you just can’t get out of there, well do your best and give it a 110% effort of continually pissing off every single person over there that you don’t like. This could include higher-ranking military leaders, the Afghan Army, Afghan Police, Afghan Border Police, Pakistani military, contractors working on the FOB, DA Civilians, local Afghan Nationals, coalition partners, your peers, and hell even your subordinates. Last by not least, every single reporter, wannabe reporter or fat, lazy, stupid picture-taking, donation begging thai-boy loving waste of oxygen you ever come in contact with.

Oh and Happy Birthday good buddy.

North Korea has the best dancing army in the world

Bouhammer — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 20:08:40 +0000

We may be the only Superpower left, but North Korea definitely has their dance moves down pat. We need Paula Abdul and Robin Antin to start advising the DoD.

H/T to Blackfive.net for this one

Afghan Crud

Bouhammer — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 18:07:20 +0000

That is what we called it, the Afghan Crud. Everyone gets it, I got it, and some will have it a couple of times during their tour. There is no avoiding it, so you just have to be ready to take it head on and deal with it. I got mine less than 2 months into my tour, and was glad to have it quick and be beyond it. Of course I did enf up getting it again.

Stars and Stripes has a grotesque but funny story about soldiers getting the “crud” in Afghanistan today.

A virus is moving through the men of this unit, a Security Force Assistance Team assigned to mentor members of the Afghan National Civil Order Police. The blitz bug puts them down for a day or two. It is short, violent, and — to the still-healthy — pretty funny.

“Trantham!” someone yells, laughing. “Is it bile, or Gatorade, or what?”

“Drink Gatorade, dude. Sip it, don’t chug it.”

Read the whole story at www.stripes.com/news/contagion-and-a-sense-of-humor-1.156269

Watch a battle between Coalition and the Taliban

Bouhammer — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 03:54:30 +0000

Yes you can see a battle develop between ISAF and the Taliban right here:
www.stripes.com/blogs/stripes-central/stripes-central-1.8040/nato-taliban-get-into-duel-on-twitter-1.155049

It is an amazing fight and pretty cool to watch our ISAF forces get the upper hand on the Taliban and whip them up. Of course it isn’t as exciting as an actual battle since it is on Twitter.

Yes ISAF has finally started to figure out the IO (Information Operations) fight and how to counter an enemy whom is very successful at this unique front in the War on Terror. For many, many years they have been winning over public opinion with their lies and dis-information. As evident from the link above we can see that ISAF is now figuring out how to counter them and inform the world of the truth. Amazingly it happens in less than 140 characters at a time.

Don’t forget you can always follow Bouhammer at www.twitter.com/bouhammer.

In honor of Thursday night man love night

Bouhammer — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 21:00:00 +0000

My blog posts about the happenings on Thursday nights in Afghanistan are some of the most read ones on this blog (thanks to so many other websites linking to them).

Since it is Thursday, I thought I would share this funny video with the readers of this blog. I actually found it by way of a reader who left a comment and a link to this video.

I am also including the lyrics below the video because well they are what makes it funny and sometimes are hard to hear.

Lyrics:

always knock first
dont open that door
you dont know what
is waiting in store
on man love thursday

I tried to warn you
you never listen to me
hadji dudes going at it
if you’re lucky only two or three

you never know if it’s a boy a goat or a man
you don’t wanna know what he does with his left hand

now you know what it’s like
working with the afghan army
everywhere you look
it’s homosexuality
on man love thursday

I swear I’ll cut you
if you try to hold my hand
and quit playing grab ass
when we’re looking for the taliban

you never know if it’s a boy a goat or a man
you don’t wanna know what he does with his left hand

for the love of god
get me out of here
I’m beginning to suspect
my team mates have all gone queer
on man love thursday

1st Bouhammer.com caption contest winners announced

Bouhammer — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 03:31:45 +0000

Back on April 26th I posted the picture below of Matt Burden from Blackfive (www.Blackfive.net) and Mark Seavey from This Ain’t Hell (thisainthell.us/). It was the very first photo caption contest here on Bouhammer.com and I had 25 entries submitted as comments to the original post.

Well I finally got around to getting my panel of judges together to make a vote. After some touch choices and long deliberation I would like to announce the 3rd, 2nd and 1st place winners of the contest.

3rd place goes to CJ for his entry of You lied to me, Mark. G-strings are NOT more comfortable on horseback.

2nd place goes to the Sniper for his entry of For the last time, Matt, it’s “cattle punching” NOT “cattle fisting”.

and 1st place goes to Chuck for his entry of “For the last time, Mark, I don’t care if the horse *does* like it or it makes the horse *easier* to ride. The other cowboys think it’s weird when you try to milk that stallion.”

I was only going to pick one top winner and send them a prize, but there were so many good entries and it was so tough to pick that I will be sending each of the top 3 winners their very own exclusive Bouhammer.com fitted hat ($20.00 value).

Thank you to all those that partcipated and took the time to come up with colorful and creative ideas, and congratulations to the three top winners.

Third video of Osama Bin Laden in hell

Bouhammer — Tue, 17 May 2011 13:36:00 +0000

Well it appears that the Sniper has been able to smuggle yet another video of Osama Bin Laden out of hell. Sniper must have some really good friends down there.