I was quickly outside the truck and looking at the smoke plumes which were about 200 yards away. Apparently the mine-clearing teams were working in an open field next to us and they found several mines. My assumption is that they called it in and then EOD showed up. Without any warning they wired the mines and then blew them. There was no “fire in the hall” over the loudspeaker or anything.

Needless to say, as I was sitting back in Afghanistan and then having three explosions happen milliseconds apart my body released and shot adrenalin into my system. After I was out of the truck and once I realized what it was, I turned around to see that the stuff which was in my hand was now on the floorboard. I don’t even remember dropping it or throwing it or whatever I did.

After the fact I was amazed at how my soldier instincts kicked in and just took over. I was on auto-pilot for a few seconds. It wasn’t one of those “time stand still” moments that I have talked about before during my tour here in 2006-2007 because I think I was not trying to process anything else like identifying shooters or trying to get into the Humvee. I was simply sitting in an armored civilian vehicle listening to a radio and not planning to see any enemy.

I have talked about adrenalin being a powerful drug and a natural high, which many soldiers get addicted to. So for a few seconds the other day I had a taste of it again. Even though it is not usually enjoyable at the time of it going into the body, after the fact it always seems like it can be enjoyed in retrospect.

Drop me an email at admin@bouhammer.com and lets make contact. 

You can read the original blog post at http://www.bouhammer.com/2006/09/twenty-five-feet-made-the-difference/

And I am so thankful and blessed to be back here in Afghanistan working with the same technology that kept me alive, making it better for soldiers in the future. 

I don’t care what the President says. We are not leaving Afghanistan anytime soon. The administration can spin it any way they want but the evidence is here in Afghanistan. Recently the President gave a big old prime-time speech and his officials were on all the new talk shows talking about how “he” kept his promise and pulled the troops from Iraq and how we don’t have any more “combat” troops there. Sure if that is the spin he wants to give it. However just yesterday there were reports that US troops had to engage in combat actions even though they are not “combat” troops.

Let me tell you, the troops over there between now and November don’t consider themselves UN peacekeepers. They are ready to kill or be killed. They will still go out of the wire kitted up with weapons in “red” status.

So the administration is saying that the 50,000 troops aren’t combat troops. However I encourage someone to ask those troops if they think they are combat troops or not. Also, what you are not hearing about is the 50,000 contractors that the State Dept. wants to hire to drive and gun on MRAPs and fly helicopters in and around Iraq as their private security. You don’t see much mention of that in the news.

So back to Afghanistan, which is the focus of this blog. The Administration can say they plan to start withdrawing troops next June, but the reality is that the total number won’t be going down. As I said the evidence is here. The evidence is in the form of brand new barracks and office buildings here on Bagram. When I say new, I mean brand new like something you would see on an active army base like Ft. Hood. These barracks and offices are as modern as anything in the states and are built to last. There are 3 story barracks already built or being built all over the place. There are also 3 story connex barracks being built.

In addition to all of that, Bagram has more than doubled in its size since when I was here last. They have mine-clearing teams from some African nations that are working all over the place every day. As they clear large swaths of land, Bagram expands. This place is not only expanding, but the new construction that is going on is not temporary.

The population of people living here at Bagram has more than doubled since last year. The main road, Disney Way, is a solid traffic jam all day long. It also pokes along at a slow 15-17 mph all the time.

Are we leaving here one day? Yeah maybe one day, but not anytime soon. When I came back in 2007, I stated in several interviews that we would be in Afghanistan another 10-15 years. In fact it could be even longer. I mean we are still in Korea and Germany aren’t we? We have a foothold here in Southwest Asia, and a foothold that is steadily being improved on with every new building. It is in our best interest as a nation to keep this foothold and maintain a presence here.

So don’t believe the hype, we are here to stay.I don’t care what the President says. We are not leaving Afghanistan anytime soon. The administration can spin it any way they want but the evidence is here in Afghanistan. Recently the President gave a big old prime-time speech and his officials were on all the new talk shows talking about how “he” kept his promise and pulled the troops from Iraq and how we don’t have any more “combat” troops there. Sure if that is the spin he wants to give it. However just yesterday there were reports that US troops had to engage in combat actions even though they are not “combat” troops.

Let me tell you, the troops over there between now and November don’t consider themselves UN peacekeepers. They are ready to kill or be killed. They will still go out of the wire kitted up with weapons in “red” status.

So the administration is saying that the 50,000 troops aren’t combat troops. However I encourage someone to ask those troops if they think they are combat troops or not. Also, what you are not hearing about is the 50,000 contractors that the State Dept. wants to hire to drive and gun on MRAPs and fly helicopters in and around Iraq as their private security. You don’t see much mention of that in the news.

So back to Afghanistan, which is the focus of this blog. The Administration can say they plan to start withdrawing troops next June, but the reality is that the total number won’t be going down. As I said the evidence is here. The evidence is in the form of brand new barracks and office buildings here on Bagram. When I say new, I mean brand new like something you would see on an active army base like Ft. Hood. These barracks and offices are as modern as anything in the states and are built to last. There are 3 story barracks already built or being built all over the place. There are also 3 story connex barracks being built.

In addition to all of that, Bagram has more than doubled in its size since when I was here last. They have mine-clearing teams from some African nations that are working all over the place every day. As they clear large swaths of land, Bagram expands. This place is not only expanding, but the new construction that is going on is not temporary.

The population of people living here at Bagram has more than doubled since last year. The main road, Disney Way, is a solid traffic jam all day long. It also pokes along at a slow 15-17 mph all the time.

Are we leaving here one day? Yeah maybe one day, but not anytime soon. When I came back in 2007, I stated in several interviews that we would be in Afghanistan another 10-15 years. In fact it could be even longer. I mean we are still in Korea and Germany aren’t we? We have a foothold here in Southwest Asia, and a foothold that is steadily being improved on with every new building. It is in our best interest as a nation to keep this foothold and maintain a presence here.

So don’t believe the hype, we are here to stay. 

UPDATE- After writing this post, I came across the following story that was written about the same exact subject on wired.com back on August 9th. It is a great compliment to this original blog posting. Check it out at http://www.wired.com/dangerroom/2010/08/u-s-afghan-mega-base/

I was not planning to write this blog posting while I was here in Afghanistan. In fact I was not sure what I was going to write as my next posting. I mean I am stuck in Bagram for goodness sake, so it not like there is a lot of excitement here or anything. This is the largest base in Afghanistan and is far more developed than another base (actually I will talk about that in the next posting).

Anyway, while on this trip I decided to catch up on some reading I have wanted to do. I get lots of books, movies, documentaries, etc. to read and watch and maybe do reviews on. I get them free of charge and 99% of the time without asking. The offers come unsolicited. In fact I have two book reviews in draft status that I need to finish. But I need the books and my notes with me. Something I did not bring on this trip in order to pack light.

What I did bring with me was two of the books that I have had for the longest time but just have never gotten around to read because of the review copies coming in and my need to read them before I usually interview the authors on You Served Radio. These two books I brought with me are very special. For one thing I actually bought these books because I wanted to read them. The second thing (and the reason they are special) is because they are both written by good friends of mine. One is The Blogs of War by Matt Burden from Blackfive.net fame and the other is House to House by David Bellavia.

David actually lives near me (less than 30 min away) and we have always talked about linking up and I promise we will one day soon. David has been recommended for the Distinguished Service Cross and the Medal of Honor and both are still pending. He has already been awarded the Bronze Star and the Silver Star. David and I have spent hours (and I mean hours) on the phone talking about different things. We are working a couple different side-business deals together, but we also talk about Iraq, Afghanistan, combat in general and leaders (both political and military). His book, like Matt’s has been on the nighstand next to my bed for way too long. As I was packing for this trip, I knew those were the ones I wanted to bring. I would have plenty of time to read them and they have been long overdue.

I am currently half-way through Matt’s, but the other day I could not find it where I thought I put it so as I was leaving my room I grabbed David’s and figured I would at least start that and have something to read. That was three days ago. I just finished its 312 pages today. I could not put it down. Now, I will do a book review on it, but not in this posting. However I promise you David that it will not be as delayed as it was for me to read your book.

The real reason for this posting is because of where I was, why I am here and what I was reading and how all of those came together. Without giving away too much about the book, let me just say that David goes back to Iraq after he was there as a soldier. He sort of goes to bring closure, actually that is probably the main reason why he does it. I am reading this part near the end of the book and reading how he had to do this trip, how he had to return, etc. while I myself am sitting in Afghanistan for the first time since I left here as a soldier. Like David who was not a soldier anymore when he returned to Iraq, I am no longer in (having retired) now when I am back in Afghanistan. I, like David, felt a little out of place here as a guy in tactical cargo pants and not ACUs. I don’t “fit in” with the soldiers here. I do with the many contractors, but not the soldiers.

So I am reading the book and how David had to bring closure at the expense of his little boys trust and emotions. How his son was angry with him for going back, and how he scolded David upon his return and a wave of emotions overtook me. As I sat at a picnic table in the middle of a secured compound full of A-type personality warriors, I desperately tried to keep reading even though the words were getting blurred from the tears pooling up on the inside of my Oakley sunglasses.

I used every muscle to hide the fact that I was crying as I sat there and did just that. I read how his son Evan told David that he was not allowed to go back and that the reason that David made it through this second trip to Iraq was because Evan “saved” him. Yes words like that just kept the tears coming.

It is not that my situation is 100% similar to David’s, but I felt many of the same emotions that he did and I can relate to others. I didn’t really come back here for closure. I am here doing my job, which thankfully is going to lead to some soldiers lives being saved one day soon. However by being here, the feeling of a need for closure sort of comes with it. I have written several times since I have been on this trip how certain actions, smells, sights, etc. have brought back memories or flashbacks. I am not sure if that is really closure, but it is something. I would have loved to gotten down to my old stomping grounds in Paktika and Ghazni provinces while I was here. I would have loved to see where I used to live, and I guess that is a desire for closure. However my job here this time does not warrant me going out into bad guy country.

If you ask my wife she may tell you that I am still in Afghanistan sometimes in my heart. She knows I was I was excited about this trip. She knows that I have a bond that is tighter than blood and marriage sometimes with the guys I served with. On the night of my retirement party I told several of them that I would be there for them anytime, anywhere. Now, I may have been slightly intoxicated at that moment, but they know I meant it. I did then, and I still do now. A part of me lived, flourished and died in Afghanistan. And those guys were with me every step of the way. That is normal for someone in combat I believe. I will always have a connection with this country regardless of how it turns out in the future.

So as I finished up David’s very awesome book, the tears started to dry up and I just sat there. I wondered what kind of emotional event I just went through. What brought all that on? I was not sure at the time, but what I was sure of was that I had to write this blog posting. As I started writing a realization came to me, I think I know why I cried. I cried for what I believe some of the same reasons that David did in the book. The bond with warriors in warfare is tighter than anything. Once we go through it with comrades we are closer than anyone can comprehend. We want to be with those guys, again, all the time, back in the hell of combat. However we have lives, we have families, we have dreams, plans and passions that are not conducive with war.

I believe it is the tearing apart of our souls by those two worlds which bring grown, tough men to tears. I so bad want to be with Puss, Prophet, Mouse, Rog-O, Bid D, Face, Smoke, The Dude and others again. Standing together, side by side in the shit. However I also want to be at home coaching my youngest’s hockey team, and going on date-nights with my wife, and helping my middle son pick out a college and all the other things we do in normal life.

One man cannot do both over a sustained stretch of time. It is either one or the other. The adrenaline, the “high” we get from combat cannot be had on a regular basis if you want to be a father and a husband. Those times in the past with people trying to kill me and me trying to kill them are just that…in the past. They are memories now and stories around the campfire once a year when my team reunites for our annual reunion camping trip. So yes, that is why I think you see warriors and ex-warriors cry sometimes. We want both worlds, yet we can’t have them both. So we are sad to be away from one, but cry tears of joy that we have survived to be with the other.

Bouhammer Out..

So I checked the list to Kandahar and found it was nearly empty. I then changed from the Bagram flight to the Kandahar flight and was manifested with no problem and got on the flight. As I climbed on the bird, I realized it was my first time on a C-17 since I flew one out of country 3 1/2 years earlier. The flight was without incident and I spent a lot of it talking to young soldiers going back to Afghanistan from their R&R leave. 

We touched down in Kandahar and taxied in front of the passenger terminal. The plane did not even shut off the engines. They removed the pallets of bags and then we walked off the back of the plane. As I stepped off the tarmac I saw to the side there were several dozen soldiers lined up ready to get on this aircraft and fly out of there. The plane left probably 7-8 minutes after the last person stepped off of it, with a whole new bunch of soldiers. 

After checking in, I drug my bags down the dusty and hot street to the outbound passenger terminal. I tried to get on a flight but it was already cancelled and there was nothing else heading to Bagram that day. I went to the phone to call the rotary terminal to see if I could get on a helo flight. Not the safest option, but it is an option. I met up with another contractor named Jose and we kind of teamed up. He got us on a standby list for an ISAF flight to Kabul as we figured Kabul is closer to Bagram than we were, at least we were moving in the right direction. 

I continued to try and call the rotary terminal while Jose left to grab a bite to eat. While he was gone, and Air Force guy who noticed me on the phone asked me in a hushed voice where I was trying to go. I told him Bagram and he told me they just had a new flight pop up with 9 available seats on it. He told me to not tell anyone else and to be back in 90 minutes for roll call. 

As soon as Jose got back I told him that I had us two seats booked on this late flight. I then hoofed it over to the “Boardwalk” and grabbed me a beef gyro and a coke and came back. Not long after that, they did roll call and we all made the flight. Once they screened us we were put in a lock down area waiting to fly. It took a really long time but we eventually got called to be on the bird. It was an always-dependable C-130. After we got onto the bird and seated, one of the loadmasters came over to tell us that it would be a while long as they reconfigured the seats. Then they explained that they were the backup DV (distinguished visitor) bird, and that something had happened to GEN Petreaus’s plane that was supposed to take him from Kandahar to Kabul. Our plane was now going to take GEN Petreaus and his entourage to Kabul. 

Since the General is pretty much “America’s General” now and the overall Commander in Afghanistan, it was pretty exciting to ride with him. We eventually got over to where we needed to be to pick him up, and all of his people started getting on the plane. It was an eclectic mix of people from different branches of our military and a few from some other countries. The General got on and went right up into the cockpit. I was hoping that he would come down to talk to us, but he didn’t. I pretty much crashed and slept all the way to Kabul with my ipod in my ears. 

The next thing I know we were descending quickly into Kabul International Airport. We touched down and swiftly moved down the tarmac. Without even shutting off any of the props, Gen Petreaus and his posse exited the plane and were gone. The door was closed and we started taxing again. In a few moments were up and gone, towards Bagram….finally.

The flight from Kabul to Bagram has to be close to 15 minutes. It was like we went up and then pointed down and were heading to land. Before I knew it, we were wheels down in Bagram Air Base, Afghanistan. 

It was a heck of a journey that day, going from Kuwait, to Kandahar to Kabul to Bagram all in one day. But hey at least I got there, because if I had tried to stay in Kuwait to get a flight, I would probably still be there as you are reading this. 

It is hard to explain to someone that has never been here, so I will try to use an analogy that many can probably relate to. Have you ever had a bad experience with a food or drink? I mean a really bad one. For many, Tequila has a lasting negative affect on people. Many people I know or have met have a “Tequila” story where they probably got really drunk on tequila at least once and from that got really, really sick. And ever since that moment every time they smell Tequila it brings back a flood of memories, usually very bad ones. Sometimes it even illicits a physical response.

Well that is kind of what it’s like. The smells here are numerous and many unlike one like a liquor or food. Here it is the smell of the dust, the burning trash, the diesel exhaust, a local national that hasn’t bathed, the chow hall food, and many others.

I have been walking or driving through the base and having one of those scents hit me and I find myself instantly taken back to a time 4 years ago. I mean not scary like I forget where I am kind of flashback, but just instantly reminded with the images and thoughts of a time past. Actually I spend a lot of time in traffic here (more of that in a later blog post) and while listening to Radio AFN Afghanistan on 94.1 I think back to a lot of times, good and bad. I remember guys on my team and certain missions; I remember my terps, and even my ANA.

There is a lot about Bagram that has changed since I was here last, but the smells have remained the same. When I was here before I used to like to get up early, grab a cup of coffee and go outside when the sun was coming up. I did this a lot when I was in Orgun-E. The air always smelled cleaner then, and it always seemed less dusty. This morning I got up at 4:30 AM and walked outside to the sounds of jet fighters taking off. I didn’t have a cup of coffee, but the air seemed clean, the afterburner flames were awesome looking coming out of the back of the jets and the sun was just starting to lighten the sky.

I am not normally a morning person because I am usually up late at night, but the mornings here are worth getting up for, if you are in the right place. When I was in Sharana, I didn’t get up early a lot because really there was no reason to there. The air never smelled clean and since we were surrounded by HESCOs, you never really got to see the sun rise.

I notice that many of the soldiers and marines walking around in Kuwait seem to have “that look”. It is hard to describe, but it seems to be a cross between weariness and determination. Going to the latrine, walking to the PX or sitting the chow hall, you see it everywhere. You can see that a vast majority of the people here have a lot of time in a combat zone. I mean more than one tour. They have the look like this is #2, 3, or possibly 4 or more.
The young pups who may be heading over the first time have that eager “I can’t wait to get there” look. They have more of an excited with anticipation look. 

I could be wrong and this “look” could have been there for a while and maybe I just never noticed it when I was in uniform. Maybe I see it differently now that I am out of uniform. Maybe it is nothing new at all. But it sure seems that way to me. However I seemed to have noticed it enough that I wanted to write about it. It just seemed to stick out to me. 

If you know what I am talking about or can relate or have an opinion on it, please leave a comment. I will do my best to reply when needed.