Interactions With The Fobbit
Posted By The Dude on October 7, 2009
During my time in Afghanistan I was assigned the additional duty of being responsible for the FOO (Field Ordering Officer) funds. These funds were a monthly allotment to Embedded Tactical Trainers (ETTs) in order to sustain them in operations in which the Army supply system was unable to support us with.Â
Each month I would have to rotate out of FOB Tillman  in order to clear my receipts on the previous months purchases and then draw my next months worth of funds. A FOO officer was handed bricks of Afghani (Term for Afghan money, not an Afghan citizen.) that was equivalent to $25,000 US dollars. Depending on the weather, I would draw my funds from the larger bases at Bagram, Salerno, Phoenix, or Gardez. Total time away from FOB Tillman averaged out to be 7-10 days, just to do approximately 30 minutes worth of work. But then again, I was on Afghan time and everything was much slower, unless you were getting shot at or the ANA wanted to eat.
The hassle of travel was usually my biggest obstacle when it came to clearing and drawing my monthly FOO funds. However, that was until I came across an extremely motivated Air Force finance officer at Camp Phoenix one morning. That day the clearing process began with the usual introductions and small talk. The finance officer appeared to be very entertained and interested from my stories of what life was like on the front lines of the war in Afghanistan as he informed me that he had never left the cozy confines of Camp Phoenix, located within Kabul. Part of me felt sorry for the Air Force fobbit, but then looking at his physical condition, it was probably safer for all that he never leave the wire except for his flight home.   Â
While he began my paperwork clearing process, I respectfully informed him that there was a convoy leaving in about 2 hours that I needed to be on so I could catch a flight the next day back to Fob Tillman. I went further to explain to him that if I missed that convoy, it would take me about another week to get back to my FOB and that would be a week that my Afghan soldiers wouldn’t  have this money to support them with. It was at this point of our interactions that the Air Force officer was going to show this Army CPT that he was higher in rank and controlled the tempo of his “battlespace.”Â
For whatever reason unbeknown to me, this finance officer decided he had to go back and re-check every line on every receipt and drill me on the details for every purchase, even though he was almost finished with his initial check. He then informed me that he was unable to re-imburse my Afghan FOB contractor’s $2,400 project and that my Afghan contractor would have to come to Kabul himself and pick up his money. After informing this Air Force finance officer that my contractor couldn’t make the 3 day trip through enemy territory but I would be able to sign for the money for him (legally authorized to do) as I had in the previous months, he still wouldn’t budge from his position.   He then said that my Afghan contractor could pick up his money via an electronic funds transfer (EFT) at a local bank near FOB Tillman. With the “EFT” comment, I didn’t know if I should pistol whip this guy for being that big of a moron or if I should just pistol whip myself for apparently not communicating clearly about the area around FOB Tillman only being about a week and a half past the stone age. The villages around the FOB didn’t have electricity, running water, or indoor plumbing. I’m pretty sure most of them didn’t even know what a bank was, let alone an EFT.
At the end of this meeting I found myself having not drawn my pistol (I still internally debate that decision to this day), missing the timeline to be on the convoy in order to catch the flight the following day, no project funds due to my Afghan contractor, but did have my monthly allowance of $25,000 in FOO funds in my backpack. Over the course of the next few extra days that I now had, I was able to collect the project funds that were due to my contractor. Luckily I never crossed paths with that Air Force finance officer again.  It amazes me how often I have to deal with people who are unable to check their ego at the door and grasp the concept of a what a true teammate is.Â
Â
Live Free or Die Trying!
Ugh, bureaucrats. When I worked at a PR agency, we used to call it “pissing on [event].” As in, “Is Michelle going to approve that copy?” “Yeah, but she’s got to piss on it first.”
Functionaries who needing to assert their authority by sticking a stinky finger into an otherwise fine pie is infuriating in the civilian world, where all that is on the line are project timelines or profits, but during wartime? The fact that he can’t get over himself when the stakes are high is what pushes generic human d-baggery across the line into truly pathetic.
He loves your stories, but in the end, he doesn’t want to help.
OMG I can’t believe that AF officer!! Some people never cease to amaze me and he is one of them!! Thanks for sharing with us.
The Thunder Run has linked to this post in the blog post From the Front: 10/08/2009 News and Personal dispatches from the front and the home front.
David M´s last blog ..Little Soldier Girl "Didn’t Want to Let Go"
Geez. The sad thing is, those types come in EVERY field. I am continually amazed at people who would rather play “measuring” games than do their jobs.
“said that my Afghan contractor could pick up his money via an electronic funds transfer (EFT) at a local bank near FOB Tillman. “
Boy, what an arrogant and ignorant man.